feelings
by jessdarkwater
Summary: since her mum died when she was ten, hitomi has become a shadow of herself. when she is sent to a remote farm in scotland she rediscovers herself and finds love. R for mature themes. (AU) one shot.


Here's a one shot for y'all. All my other fics are on hold at the moment while I sort out my crappy life. Except maybe the sweep one and the longest  
esca fic. Neways feedback would be appreciated. Oh and I don't own any  
character much as I wanna steal Van from CinderellaXVan.  
  
AN: dunno Hitomi's parent names so substituted David and Marie. Plz refrain from telling me how crappy those are - I know. Mamoru and Hitomi are twins -15 yrs old. Van is like 6 months older. Erm.I think that's all folks! XD!  
Enjoy.  
  
[ONE SHOT (AU)]  
  
A loud bang, a door slamming downstairs put a stop to her moans. Suddenly she became frightened. She pushed him away and threw his clothes at him and pushed him towards the backstairs.  
  
'Allen go get dressed, my father's here. He'll kill us if he finds you, he'll go positively mad if he has the slightest inkling of what we've been doing.'  
  
Without a word he rushed off pulling on his trousers and hopping down the backstairs. The last thing she saw of him was his blonde hair, and him ducking his head to prevent banging it on the ceiling. It would be the last she saw of him for 2 months.  
  
Hitomi heard footsteps on the main stairs. She hurried to her bathroom and turned the shower on. She had just been wrapping her towel round her soaked hair when she heard her father calling for her, worriedly you could say.  
  
'Hitomi. Hitomi! Where are you for heavens sake.'  
  
She opened the door and almost ran into her father. He looked worried, no, make that confused whether to be angry or anxious.  
  
'How long have you been in the shower Hitomi?'  
  
'Err.about 10 minutes, I think.'  
  
'So what has Allen been doing then all that time with no shirt on?'  
  
'Nothing. He came round to give me my birthday present.' she trailed off lamely.  
  
Her father's mouth set into a thin line. He was convinced now. He sent Hitomi to get dressed then asked her to meet him in his study.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
He sat down and his eyes fell on his favourite picture of Marie. She was laughing as she spun little Mamoru round in the garden. He was in the background, a smile on his face, twinkle in his eyes, dancing with Hitomi.  
  
But so much had changed. Marie was dead 5 years. The twins were 15 now. Though still as close as ever. But while Mamoru had always been the outgoing one, popular with the girls, Hitomi had been a quite tomboy who loved reading as much as she did sports, shy of the boys who vied for her attentions.  
  
But then his beloved Marie had died and she'd drawn into herself. Next she had started going out with that poncy boy Allen who changed her. Now she didn't talk to him, went out, stayed late and arrived home early in the morning. She was someone else. But now it seemed shed gone too far.  
  
What would Marie done in his position?  
  
Well for a start she would have raised the twins properly. Maybe he could.yes that's what he would do. He was sure he would have his old Hitomi back by the end of the summer.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
When Hitomi was dressed she found that she had decided that if she told the truth she'd be better off. That was the theory anyway.  
  
Hitomi pushed open the door and stood in front of the bookshelves nervously awaiting the inquisition.  
  
Her father looked up and opened his mouth. It was moments later that Hitomi actually realised he was talking to her.  
  
'I will be blunt Hitomi,' she nodded apprehensively, 'have you had sexual intercourse? Do you know what that means?'  
  
Her cheeks flushed as she shook her head then replied, wetting her dry lips with her now inactive tongue, 'no I haven't dad and yes I do'  
  
He took a deep breath before muttering audibly 'well that's one thing isn't it.'  
  
Then he seemed to think for a moment before nodding his head as if to reassure himself that he was doing the right thing. '  
  
'Hitomi I have decided that you and your brother will being going on holiday, you will be going to stay with your mothers friend Yuri. She lives in Scotland on a farm with her family. You remember Folken and Van don't you?' at her blank gaze he frowned, ' well maybe you were a trifle too young. Folken is oh about 18 now and Van is about your age.'  
  
Now Hitomi seemed to get her voice back, ' but dad you can't send us away. It's not fair on Mamoru. You don't even know if they'd let us stay with them and what about Allen and Yukari. Mamoru and I had plans for double dates and.' but she trailed off once again.  
  
Monotonously her father said, 'I don't care about your dates. You are too young. You should read this. It explains everything.' He handed her a letter and then she was dismissed.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Hitomi ran up to her bedroom, stamping furiously on each step of the staircase as she went. It wasn't until she flung herself on her bed before she remembered the letter. Curiously she opened it and started reading it. Things started to get clearer as she skimmed the letter before reading it properly. Then she folded it and thought.  
  
Dear David, [the note read]  
  
I haven't heard from you in a long time. As you know, my husband left me 6 months ago and then was found weighted down I the river. I feel that I have got over it, though not over him. This made me think of Marie. I was wondering how you and the twins were fairing. Is Mamoru still that enthusiastic loud little tyke? Has Hitomi still got those gorgeous green eyes that her so stunningly beautiful like her mother? My boys seem to be alright, well Folken is - he never was close to his father, more of a mothers boy. But Van seems listless and has taken to spending long amounts of time on the barn roof. It was he who prompted me to write you though. He found a picture of the 8 of us at this house when the three of them were 5 and Folken was 8. He wondered who your twins were. I wanted to know if your two would like to come over in the summer perhaps. I feel it would be a good thing. You could come too, though I know you won't, I feel better to ask. If you decide to take me up on this offer then they can come at any time just phone ahead, ill be delighted if they can. Make sure you look after yourself David, remember that, you cannot just look after them because they are a part of your Marie. You have to make sure that you are there for them. You're the only one they have left.  
  
Looking forward to your answer,  
  
Yuri de Fanel  
  
It was dated a week ago. He'd probably already arranged it and had been about to tell her when he'd seen Allen. He would have told Mamoru at the rugby match. She sighed, resigned to her fate. But she wouldn't enjoy it. No, and nor would any of the others if she could help it.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Well she was here. Had been a week. Mamoru had hit it off at once with Folken. Even Van spoke to him a bit. She felt she could tell Folken anything and he wouldn't tell anyone without consent. It was a nice comfort, she could tell Mamoru stuff but not private things. Not anymore. Not since he found out exactly why they had been sent here.  
  
Van always seemed to avoid her. Occasionally he'd say something to her. Maybe brush her hand with his. But it didn't seem to affect him as it did her. Her breath always came short when she spoke to him. She got butterflies in her stomach. Shed never felt like this except.except when Allen had been taking a great interest in her barely-there cleavage, that day.  
  
There was always something to do at the farm. So she didn't always get time to think deep and hard like she liked to. She was quiet.  
  
She knew that Yuri wondered what had happened to the vivacious child she had once been. That girl had died when her mother had. When she was ten. When her best friend had deserted her to live alone.  
  
Hitomi found she had stumbled into the barn, tears falling down her pale cheeks. Somehow she had made her way over to the straw and buried herself in it. Great racking sobs shaking her slim body, quiet as a mouse.  
  
But someone had noticed. He had heard the straw rustling as she fell. He watched as she sobbed and felt his solemn façade dissipate like magic. He felt she shouldn't be crying not like this. He had no idea why but it pained him to see it.  
  
From his viewpoint on the roof in the starry night she wouldn't have known he was here, so it felt wrong that he was the only live witness beside mice to watch this stricken girl fall to pieces.  
  
He saw her start to get control over herself and decided that he would show himself. She looked like she needed a friend, one wouldn't hurt him either, he had been mourning too long.  
  
Slowly he got up from the position he had been in for maybe hours and stretched. Then spread soft white wings that dropped excess feathers, and glided to the floor.  
  
One of these feathers fell upon Hitomi; she picked it up and turned on her back just as Van was drawing these beautiful wings back into himself. He had wanted her to not see the monster he was. It scared him when she turned to see him, wings and all.  
  
His father had managed to tolerate what he and his brother were just as he had with his wife who had passed on the gene, the gene that would intrigue the dumbest of scientists. The best kept secret in Scotland.  
  
So when he raised his eyes to meet hers he was surprised when he saw the understanding and awe in her beautiful green eyes that had been preoccupied and sad the whole week she had been at the farm.  
  
Hitomi slowly let out a breath that she had been holding unconsciously and shed one last tear. Van saw this and wiped it away.  
  
He sat down next to her and pulled her into his arms hugging her, and at last Hitomi felt safe wrapped in Vans arms and covered by his wings. After a while she felt brave enough to pass some of her sadness onto Van so he could understand.  
  
What they didn't know was that they had had 3 witnesses to everything. One was Mamoru, he had known Hitomi was in a weird mood and had followed her to make sure that she didn't try to hurt herself - like she had in the past.  
  
The second was Folken; he was jealous but knew that he had a good relationship with her so he didn't want to forfeit that blessing.  
  
The third was a vixen. Yuri stood watching her son and her best friends daughter comfort each other. She wanted to encourage them for she thought that they had always loved each other since that magical age of four when Hitomi had made Van eat a worm.  
  
She was sure that whatever the reasons David had had for sending his daughter in disgrace to the farm with her twin brother, as long as she gave her blessing towards the two and made sure nothing happened, he would not mind as much as he did with that boy Allen.  
  
David liked Van, she was sure of that. She merged back into the darkness of the night when the sound of a private conversation started to reach her ears. Van sat hugging his friend, the friend who he just rediscovered after so many ages.  
  
Words could not describe what he felt for her at the moment. She had accepted him and his medical wonder -his wings- so easily, now as she told him the circumstances for her sudden arrival he felt as if his heart had been ripped in two.  
  
So she already had a boyfriend who she trusted enough to go the whole way. She didn't need him though. However, he didn't realise that he had spoken aloud until she answered him firmly.  
  
'I will always need you, for some reason or another. Anyway, knowing Allen, being the womaniser he is I doubt he is waiting like a good boyfriend at home. Consider him well and truly dumped.' She grinned maliciously, getting her back for him trying to force her. She knew that she hadn't been totally sure that day and was glad her dad had interfered.  
  
After much talking and many sneaked glances at each other they drifted off to sleep, Hitomi first. The last thing Van heard was a request to keep his wings wrapped round her; she felt the safest she had since her mum died.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Van woke early as he always had; with the sun. Sunlight shone through holes in the thatched roof of the barn. One such shaft o light shone on Hitomi. She looked like an ethereal princess. Absolutely utterly beautiful.  
  
Just as Van looked away, Hitomi woke up. She grinned and closed her eyes again, pretending to be asleep. She rolled over in her sleep, her t-shirt catching and riding up to show a toned stomach.  
  
Next she brought her knees up like in a foetal position, which meant she brushed Van's crotch. Well and truly hard. If possible she grinned even more. Van had tensed but thinking that Hitomi was sleeping dismissed it. When Hitomi asked if he'd had a nice dream he blushed.  
  
'Only asking. It must of been a good one though from the err. looks of things,' now she blushed, 'thanks for the softest covers ever.'  
  
She ran her fingers along one wing at which Van shivered. Spontaneously she asked if she could keep a feather. Van wasn't the only one surprised, Hitomi was too, she was never this bold, and with Allen she had been very quiet. But she felt like she could embarrass herself in the biggest way and it wouldn't change her image in Vans eyes. She got up admitting the need for a shower and just stood for a minute taking in the sights. She hadn't realised that Van had no shirt on; he must have been freezing. She put that thought on hold when she took a closer look at his abs. Mmmmmmmm.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
3 weeks later, Van and Hitomi were alone in the house. Everyone else was at the market or at the cinema for the latest football flick. Bend it like Beckham. Hitomi was in the shower. Van was answering the door to the postman.  
  
'Package for a Miss Hitomi Kanzaki. Sign here please.thank you. Have a nice day.' With a wave he was off and Van was walking slowly up the stairs.  
  
Hitomi had just gotten out of the shower when Van walked through her door, talking about a parcel. He suddenly realised that Hitomi hadn't any clothes on. Blushing furiously he started to the door but Hitomi waved for him to stop. She sat down on the floor.  
  
If he just moved one step forward he'd have sufficient height to look down.he stopped that train of thought thinking that Hitomi was his friend but he still felt the heat in his body growing.  
  
Hitomi had started to unwrap the parcel when she stopped. It occurred to her that she was only in a towel. Van was nearest her chest of drawers.  
  
'Hey Van would you do me a favour?' she batted her eyelids at him and he laughed.  
  
'Sure name it 'Tomi.'  
  
'Could you open the top drawer over there.uh huh.for heavens sake its just underwear, don't be a baby Van. Pass me a bra and pants please. Choose whatever you like.'  
  
When he finally passed a set to Hitomi she noticed it was her favourite. White with snoopy on them. Cuteness factor - 10 out of 10. Cuteness factor of Van when he handed them over - 11 out of 10. Priceless.  
  
As she went into the bathroom to dress with a t-shirt and tracky bottoms the discarded parcel stood out in the room. She picked it up and promoted it to filling up the bin.  
  
Van, too curious for his own good looked in the bin. It was a letter from her friend Yukari? Allen was being unfaithful. No wonder she trashed it.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
When Hitomi came out of the bathroom she looked radiant, and Van had an urge to cover himself with his jumper. Hitomi jumped on him demanding a hug.  
  
They had a major tussle and wrestling match before Van won. Hitomi, taking Van by surprise managed to flip them over. Then squealed when he demoted her to second class.  
  
She was staring into his twinkling maroon eyes when he leant forward briefly meeting their lips. A lingering tingle stayed there as Hitomi gazed at Van with all the love she could give.  
  
Taking a deep breath, Hitomi used her initiative and kissed Van hard. Not expecting this his instincts took over and kissed her back with as much ferocity, then softened.  
  
He gently probed her lips for an opening but couldn't find one. Hitomi broke away to find him pouting. She ran her fingers through his messy black hair and followed the lines of his face with gentle hands.  
  
He kissed her nose and picked her up and flung her upside over his shoulder. Squealing she pummelled his butt then decided that a pinch or two would be more effective.  
  
He carried her through the farmyard and into the garden. An old pond occupied a corner of the garden, roses surrounding it. It was a peaceful place, a good place to think.  
  
Van dumped Hitomi in it and was amused to see her white shirt going see- through. He laughed quietly until Hitomi dragged him in too. The water was only up to their knees but was deep enough to thoroughly soak the two of them.  
  
After clumsy prolonged water wrestling, they climbed out and lay out in the hot summer sun to dry out.  
  
Hitomi laid her head on Vans chest and was reassured by a steady heartbeat. She leant up and kissed Van once more. She put a bit of her passion in it, deepening the kiss, and exploring his mouth, which meant that Van sent his tongue on an expedition of her mouth for payback.  
  
Then they lay back to enjoy the time they had together for Hitomi had 3 days left before she would never see Van again.  
  
For her dad had forbidden any sort of physical relationship between Hitomi and her now 16-year-old boyfriend. She wasn't 16 until December as he pointed out in every single letter and phone call.  
  
But she was happy with the smaller things in life. Like just enjoying the company of Van.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
3 years later, Hitomi had finished high school and was starting a course for animal welfare in Scotland. The place only brought back memories.  
  
Van and Hitomi soaked in the pond, wrestling in her room, that night in the barn.  
  
They had tried a long distance relationship but it didn't work and her dad was so not keen. So as she walked into the mixed dormitory where she would live for 2 years, a tall guy with messy black hair and maroon eyes, walking out of her new room, surprised her.  
  
She knew she had a roommate but not him. Not that she minded but that was all in the past. She didn't want reminding. He didn't show an ounce of recognition in his eyes as she asked for her name politely as though he had other things on his mind.  
  
'Hitomi it's me Van.'  
  
He looked confused as he took in her changed appearance. A fire had taken her house, and nearly her life a year back and she had minor burns on her wrists. Long scratches also marred her arms. A tongue stud occupied her mouth and her hair was cut short.  
  
Crutches helped her with her bad leg. It had never been right after breaking it after jumping out of a third storey window. She had three weeks left the cast then hopefully it would be good as new.  
  
Then there was the fact that one of her eyes was cloudy. Half blinded by flames. She could see out of her eye, almost as much as her good one but when she had been taken to hospital they had thought she would lose the eye.  
  
She looked up expecting to see indifference in his eyes. How wrong was she. In his eyes she saw all the love stored up for three years. She saw no pity but praise for her bravery.  
  
She saw that this year and the next were the best decision she had made for a long time. And they were going to be roommates. Life was good; it was suddenly paying her back for all the wrong in her life, reimbursing itself again and again.  
  
She grinned as Van picked her up and carried her into her new life, crutches and all.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
THE END  
  
*Jess* - 13th December 2003 


End file.
